How To Get Your Head Around Anger
Most people want to know how to control anger without even trying to work out why they’re getting angry in the first place.
Each time you act out your angry feelings you feed that anger and therefore you’re more likely to respond with anger the next time.
Your Problem Is Not Quite What You Think It Is
The anger itself is not the problem. It is way you react to your feelings that leads to inappropriate behaviour. That behaviour hurts you and other people in the worst possible way.
The REAL problem is that rather than recognising anger for what is it (a mind state) we make it something bigger than it has to be: we make it ‘wrong’ and we try to deny it or repress it.
Have you ever tried to put a lid of a pot of water that is over-filled and bubbling over? It never works. The good news is there are skilful ways of managing your feelings of anger that will make you and those around you much happier.
It’s normal to get annoyed and upset from time to time, and feelings of anger should never be denied or made wrong. All emotions have a place in this world.
But if you struggle with explosive outbursts of anger or rage you’ll know that this is a very painful problem for everyone involved. You may believe the reason why you react so violently is because of other people or situations. But this is untrue.
You react violently because you haven’t yet learned how to express your anger in a constructive and respectful way – before it turns to rage.
Learn To Set Boundaries
Most of my clients have one thing in common: they don’t know how to set boundaries.You may be angry because you’re not getting your needs met in life. Getting what you want requires good assertiveness skills and you may not have been taught how to express yourself appropriately.
So instead, you may avoid conflict at all costs. But this doesn’t solve the problem because if you do this then the initial anger you were feeling gets bottled up and left to fester until it eventually escalates into explosive anger.
Does this sound like you?
- You find it hard to express how you’re feeling;
- You’re a people pleaser and you can’t say no;
- You’d rather keep the peace than ask for what you want;
- You stuff your anger down and until eventually you explode
If you have an anger problem, learning how to express yourself in an assertive way is the first step to solving your problem. As you get used to doing this you'll find that you can create space for yourself in a myriad of ways.
The more you practise this, the easier it will become to train your mind to address problems early on so you don't end up exploding in a fit of anger later on.
Things You Can Do If You’re Feeling Angry
- Don’t ignore it. Acknowledge your feelings of anger as they arise;
- Walk away from the person or situation that is pushing your buttons. Say:’ I’m going to cool off before I say something I’ll regret’;
- When you have calmed down, explain why you’re angry without name calling, swearing or violence;
- Don’t bite the hook. If another person is baiting you, walk away and don’t give them the satisfaction of manipulating you.
What You Notice Is What You Get
Remember; whatever you frequently think about, focus on and give energy to will become you reality. So if you continue to focus on what is wrong with your life you will find more and more things that are wrong.
I'm not suggesting that you only think happy thoughts - that's impossible anyway. All I'm saying is that each time you choose NOT to react in anger, you strengthen your mind and create habits of non-reactivity that make it easier not to react that way in the future.
You can work on moving past the subconscious beliefs and behaviour patterns that have made you into an ‘angry person’ with the help of a qualified clinical hypnotherapist.
If want to learn how to control anger and you don’t have the funds to see a therapist, you may wish to try my anger hypnosis MP3. To find out how I can help you manage your anger problem, contact me here.